Monday, May 09, 2005

I can't stand it!

The title is to be read in Charlie Brown's voice.

I usually like to think I'm beyond worrying what people think of me. But there's a reason that it seems that way. I don't mean to sound egotistical or anything, but people usually like me. I could count on two hands the people that have hated me in my life. And the truth is, every time it has happened, it shocks and hurts me like crazy.

There was Mrs. Sturgill, my typing teacher in high school. She was probably the first. God, she really loathed me and I never really knew why. But it started the pattern that generally is followed to this day. Someone hates me, for legit reasons or not, and first I'm shocked and really hurt. Then I try to get back at them for hurting me by being a big dick to them. This alternates with incredible guilt spirals where I try to just be really nice to them and as Christian as I can be. And then they show me again how much they hate me and the cycle begins anew.

I was telling the older sister of one of my favorite former students that I had to go home today and write an email to someone who hates me. "Why would you do that? If this person hates you, why write them an email?" I thought about it. It's pride, really. I want vindication. I want this person to see they're wrong to hate me. I want them to admit they're being mean and that I haven't done the things of which they've accused me.

I know I haven't been a great guy to this person. And I know a lot of this is my own fault. But I don't like being accused of specific things I haven't done. I don't like it because of pride. I see myself as a likeable guy, and I generally am. When this self-notion is challenged, it hurts. It hurts more than it should.

6 Comments:

At 4:46 PM, Blogger Brant said...

I have yet to receive the email which makes me think you're unaware of my hatred towards you.

Good luck.

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger Joe Rice said...

Oh, I'm aware.

 
At 11:35 PM, Anonymous Dubin said...

Well, I got the email.

Fuck you.

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger Joe Rice said...

Angst angst angst!

 
At 11:00 AM, Anonymous red_Ricky said...

I once dated a girl called Gravity. This was back in Texas. And Gravity used to write comics for the Daily Texan. And I once commented that all the Daily Texan comics, with the exception of Robert Rodriguez's, sucked… and if you wanted good Daily Texan stuff; you had to go back to the days of Berke Breathed.

So, next thing you know Gravity is picking fights with me left and right. And I don’t know what her problem is, since we'd agreed that I wouldn't comment on her writing.

Apparently, or without realizing it, she felt insulted when I said “all the Daily Texan comics suck, with the exception of Robert Rodriguez”. Be it that she was a comics writer and all. This to me was stupid. Like I said, I thought we made it clear that I wouldn’t criticize her work, her jokes, etc. But apparently, *insult by omission* is one of the clever ways, writers (and women) use to bust each other’s chops.

Plus, it turns out that women writers are very insecure (some women are insecure in general). They also take it personally if you say something bad about their friends (its a defence mechanism, kinda like guys and their mothers). And because all her friends usually sucked up to her, she would tell me she wanted honesty from me… but in reality, she longed for me to “gosh” over her, her comic strip, the way she dressed and in general, put her on a pedestal.

Even after we stopped dating.

Oh Gravity, what a harsh mistress you were!

Oh shit!

This really doesn't have anything to do with you. (I'm sorry. I should probably get my own blog if I'm going to ramble out loud like that.)

What I really wanted to know was why Joe Rice, the Dada Blogger, the Hero of Dada, the Last DaDamerican... named his blog Pernil con Arroz y Habichuelas?

You know,

'Cause "Mofongo con Carne Frita" is so much tastier!

 
At 2:28 PM, Blogger Joe Rice said...

This really doesn't have anything to do with you.

I'm not so sure, Rick.

Living and teaching in a mostly Puerto Rican neighborhood, I've gotten completely addicted to pernil. There's this lady next to my school who cooks it and sells it out of her apartment. Holy crap. It's the most deliciousest.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home